oyster the oracle’s 2025 afl finals predictions
First things first, I can’t believe we’re on the eve of another footy final series! The 2025 AFL has been one for the history books with the Carrara Suns finally securing their first every foray into September action. The Matthew Nicks coached Adelaide Crows finished the season as Minor Premiers and are back in the finals mix since losing heavily to a Richmond Tigers team at the start of their impressive three flags in four seasons. Having two home finals is a massive advantage for The Crom and should see them contest the decider at the MCG is a mere four weeks’ time.
So Oyster the Oracle, who will meet them in the Grand Final decider you ask? After gazing deeply into my crystal ball, I have seen into the future as I have the results! No, I did not have access to the Grays Sports Almanac like Biff Tannen did in Back to the Future 2. I’ve used my cunning, nous and impeccable sporting knowledge to help guide me to the light.
The Premiers of 2025 will be whomever wins the Friday night Qualifying Final between The Pivotonians and The Woolloongabba Gorillas. Isn’t that sitting on the fence? Well, let me explain why!
Brisbane Lions should win again in 2025 but if Geelong Cats manage to score the upset victory at the MCG, the Brisbane Lions will play the Crows in a Preliminary Final at the Adelaide Oval. I can’t see the Cats or Lions winning in Adelaide if they lose that first week in the finals. However, whomever is successful will beat Adelaide in the Grand Final.
Am I dismissing the chances of Collingwood, The Inner Western Sydney and Canberra Giants, Flagmantle Dockers, Carrara Suns and The Poos and Wees? Absolutely! But I don’t think they’ll have a chance to make it through to the Big Dance come that last Saturday in September. If I am wrong, I will eat my words, but you read it here first folks!
So, here’s a quick snapshot of the Week 1 matches!
Adelaide defeats Collingwood
Geelong (hopefully) defeats Brisbane
Fremantle defeats Gold Coast
Hawthorn defeats GWS
My crystal ball has told me that Hawthorn will surprise many and win convincingly over the Inner Western Sydney and Canberra Giants. The Pivotonians will get the chocolates over the Woolloongabba Gorillas purely through a mercurial Jeremy Cameron masterclass. Freo’s young guns will get the job done against the Carrara Suns while the home ground advantage for The Crom and a bag of goals for Riley Thilthorpe will see off the Pies.
How good is Finals Footy! Well, until your teams loses and it ruins your night, day, weekend, week, month, year, life etc!
Good luck to every footy fan this week! May the Footy Gods be ever in your favour!
P.S: CARN THE PIVS!
P.P.S: Here’s an AI generated photo of me praying to the Footy Gods to be kind this season. I know it’s a lot to ask for but we can all live in hope can’t we?
P.P.P.S: Paddington Bloods not making the finals this season will be just as satisfying as The Pivs winning the GF!
ONE AND DONE?!
“The word is about, there's something evolving. Whatever may come, the world keeps revolving. They say the next big thing is here. That the revolution's near but to me it seems quite clear. That it's all just a little bit of history repeating.”
The Propellerheads’ 1998 hit History Repeating has so eloquently explained the new catchphrase creeping into the AFL’s vernacular, One and Done. This term describes how teams are finding it increasingly difficult to win back to back premierships. The One and Done phenomenon has cruelly taken another victim. Collingwood Magpies did not defend their crown as Premiers in 2024. The Pies’ slow start to the season meant that they were behind the 8-ball from the get go. A 9th placed finish extended the One and Done curse for another season, much to the delight of every footy fan who wasn’t a Pies supporter.
The Geelong Cats were the outliers to the One and Done phenomenon due to their ageing list and winning the premiership in 2022 much to the surprise of most footballing experts. With the upcoming arrival of Bailey Smith from the Western Bulldogs and the retirements of Tom Hawkins and Zac Tuohy, who knows how The Pivotonians 2025 season will pan out. Uncle Oyster is praying to the footballing gods for one more grand final push before the eventual retirement of #35.
The Melbourne Demons felt the wrath of One and Done with consecutive straight sets losses in consecutive finals campaigns in 2022 and 2023! The experts were spruiking about a Demons Dynasty for years to come. How the mighty have fallen. The Dees didn’t even make the Top 8 in 2024! The injury to superstar Christian Petracca was too significant a loss to cover. Even with a squad the envy of most rival clubs, the fall from grace for the Red and the Blue was spectacular!
Similar talk was bandied about after The Western Bulldogs 2016 triumph against the Sydney Swans. 8 years later, the hangover from their 2021 second half Grand Final capitulation is still lurking in the shadows down at Whitten Oval. Will inspirational leader Marcus Bontempelli once again lead them to premiership glory? Unlikely. The West Coast Eagles’ 2018 Premiership win at the death against Collingwood also brought false hopes of reigniting another period of domination. Time will tell if the Eagles’ will rise from the ashes and once again be a footballing powerhouse. Harley Reid’s rookie season was reminiscent of the great Chris Judd’s back in 2002. If he is half the player Chris Judd was, the future's looking bright.
The Brisbane Lions had arguably the greatest four week finals run winning elimination matches against Carlton, GWS, Geelong and Sydney to win the 2024 Grand Final. Three of these were away matches at Sydney Showground and the Colosseum of Melbourne. It was a well deserved premiership win after losing a heartbreaking grand final the year before. Chris Pagan orchestrated the Lions first premiership win since their three-peat ended 20 years previously. It’ll be interesting to see how the Woolloongabba Gorillas defend their crown in 2025 but with the young guns at their disposal, is it too soon to mention the possibilities of a dominating dynasty for years to come? It’s quite scary to think that reigning Norm Smith Medallist is only 20 years old! Kai Lohmann’s finals series was exceptional considering he is only 21 and about 30 games into his career. 19 year old Logan Morris is the likely candidate to take over from the retiring Smoking Joe Daniher as the key target up forward. The future is looking extremely bright for the Lions.
So the question lies, will the Brisbane Lions continue their reign of terror or will they be another victim of the One and Done club? Time will tell! Whatever happens, there’s no doubt that Lachie Neale will continue to be the umpire’s special pet, and give him Brownlow Medal votes that he does not deserve. Uncle Oyster guarantees it!
The South Melbourne Bloods vs Fitzroy Gorillas 2024 AFL GRAND FINAL
So, who will win?
Well readers, we've finally reached the last Saturday in September. The pride of the Eastern Suburbs of Sydney, The Paddington Bloods will clash against the Woolloongabba Bears in an enthralling contest featuring the last two runners-up.
The Swans were the best team all year and look to win their first premiership since defeating the Hawks in 2012. Isaac Heeney's 2024 finals campaign has been amazing and looms as a favourite for the Norm Smith Medal. If Isaac has a blinder, the Swans will win comfortably. 5'11 seagull Tom Papley is the team's barometer. If Tom kicks three goals, the Swans are on the path to premiership glory.
The Lions look to seek redemption after last year's heartbreaking loss to Collingwood. The Brisbane Lions look to win their first premiership since 2003, which was the club third consecutive premiership under Lethal Leigh Matthews. The Brisbane Lions has won three sudden death games against the Blues, Giants and Cats to make the GF. It has been an incredible run where they have overcome deficits to secure their play in the decider. Cam Rayner is the match winner for the Lions. Lachie Neale will need to stand up in the clinches to increase the Lions chances of winning. Which Joe Daniher will turn up on grand final day?
I do think the Sydney Swans will win in a close contest by less than 3 goals. Isaac Heeney will win the Norm Smith Medal in a dominant display. For the Lions, the 2024 will end in more heartache.
